I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have fence marks all over my body
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
