I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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