Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
