Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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