he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
