So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
