Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
