Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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