So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
