and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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