He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
