dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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