I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
