I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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