her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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