I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
