tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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