Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
