So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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