dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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