Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
