so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
