I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
