Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
