I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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