good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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