Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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