i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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