forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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