I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
