I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
