Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
