Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
