a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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