I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
