who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize