how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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