I CAN MOONWALK!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize