Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
