You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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