he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
