Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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