Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
