i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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