The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
