so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize