Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
