I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
