I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
