addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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