the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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