You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
