i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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