True but thats because hes a fetus.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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