What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
