So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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