I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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