in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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