I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
