Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
