You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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