The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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