I CAN MOONWALK!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Vodka?
Forever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
