Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
