Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
