Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
