Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
