Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
