You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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