Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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