I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
vagina is talking i cant
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
