She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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