i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
