nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
