New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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