Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
