If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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