coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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