We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
