Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
