im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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