Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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