We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
