My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
