i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
and you fell through a lawn chair
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
